Silver linings from Dark clouds
In about two weeks time it will be a year since I had my breakdown and was signed off work. I have no intention of marking this as some kind of anniversary as although it’s something I’ve learned from it’s definitely not something I want to dwell on and relive, hence why I’m writing now rather than in two weeks time.
Things have changed so much I feel ready to put the last year behind me and move positively forward, even more so with the sad news that Leonard Nimoy has passed away. Playing the iconic role of Mr Spock on Star Trek, he and the character have had a huge impact on me over the years and I was lucky enough to meet him once.
I was already planning on writing this piece and this has just given it greater significance.His passing has reinforced the feeling to be grateful for what I have and it’s time to understand where I am and show that it is possible to get through some extremely difficult times and issues and come out of it hopefully a better person. It’s time to “Live Long and Prosper” as both Spock and Leonard himself would say.
As I’ve explained before I’ve had a year of depression and anxiety and at times i’ve felt no reason to carry on but through a lot of effort and help I gradually improved, the good days became more frequent and I started back at work on full hours just before Christmas.
This has been tough, I’m still on medication however low the dose might be and I still struggle to get going in the mornings but each day it gets easier. However I’m coping with work, having far more good days than bad now, sleeping well and have cut my counselling sessions to monthly.
I did have a big dip a few weeks ago when the insomnia came back. I was scared I was slipping backwards and for about a week my anxiety levels were through the roof, I was paranoid about everything and wasn’t acting at all rationally.
Unfortunately I allowed this to get the better of me and cause some problems but it was a short-lived regression which taught me a painful lesson and since then I’ve realised I’m not slipping back to how I was, I have become calmer, more positive and each day is another step forward.
For anyone else who is going through depression or anxiety issues remember you’re not alone. There is help out there and it is possible to find the silver lining from the dark. It can be a long and difficult process and the path may not always be clear. There will be hiccups along the way and I still have periods of insecurity or anxiety but not to the degree I did. I really believe that i’m now well on the road to recovery and don’t feel that I’ll slip back to the dark place I was in this time last year. Not quite there yet but it’s in reach and if I can do it, you can too.
I’ve got some great things to look forward to this year already which I’m really excited about and no doubt I will write about when they happen but I am also looking forward clearly and positively for the first time in a long time. Although it’s what caused me to start writing this blog, I hope this will be the last time I need to talk about what I’ve been through.